On Aging and Stretching

As I wade further into my 60s this month, I am thinking about the miracle of our minds and energies, and the huge choices that we make without realizing their impact. I am thinking about the horrible consequences of listening to the Industrial Economy scripts that tell us how to age. Aging in the USA is akin to quicksand.

Here I’ll offer alternative choices. I don’t advocate or practice any of those “live young forever” lifestyles, but I have found things that work for me and that could help you and people you know to reject social ideas and to live considerably better without some big extreme dramatic effort. Curious? Let’s go!

Context and Ideas About Aging

Aging in the USA is akin to quicksand…

One oft-neglected effect of the Industrial Economy is its fixation on novelty. The old is outdated, less relevant, and the new is inherently better. And since our collective destiny has been grounded in mass fabrication of products (and later the management of services), we have had a compelling reason to buy into this novelty meme. Hightech is a late manifestation of the Industrial Economy, and, as we all know by now, it has led an exponential increase in the rate and amplitude of industrial, technological, and social change.

For most of human history, we had nothing written down (before the printing press and mass communications), so old people were our records, and they were inherently respected and revered. They were valuable and useful as our record keepers. Moreover, their “wisdom” was based on their experience with humans’ life struggle to survive and thrive in the natural world, which changed little except for very rare mega-shifts like ice ages.

Along with this, our lifespans have lengthened, and we have more elders than ever before. In the context of human history, this is a recent development. 

Social Scripts

“Old people”…

Social scripts about aging have manifested within this social context. One powerful script is that of “retirement.” Its concept is grounded in the Industrial Economy and the preceding Agrarian Economy in which human physicality was the main source of work (think physics). After years in the fields, shoveling coal, bearing countless children, lifting and hammering, our bodies wore out. We were missing digits, limbs, and teeth. We didn’t live that long. Retirement was a social construct to enable us to spend our “golden years” in relative leisure. We got to kick back and be cared for and supported by our children and their now-extended families. Please keep in mind that this social construct lurks in our collective unconscious: it says that we deserve to rest and be cared for.

Another script is that “old people” are out of it, that they don’t know anything important because the world has changed since “their time.” This is a relatively recent script that began in the 20th century amid the increasing rate of social change. This is complex because in the context of earthly affairs, technologies, products, and related ideas, it is often true that older people, after they stop working, may lapse into gradual isolation when they don’t participate in the world somehow. In spiritual affairs, however, older people often have rare perspectives because they have lived more than others.

A third script is that “old people” are a burden. This one is also complex because nested within it is a basket of attitudes. If the parent has the attitude that s/he should be taken care of and unconsciously expects it of his/her children, the children may come to have a begrudging attitude toward their parents. I witnessed this countless times when I worked at a ritzy retirement home while in high school. It is a sad sight, and it is prevalent.

How We Can Age Differently

Moving is living, not moving is dying…

Now for the fun part of this post (I felt sad in writing the above). Let’s see how we can reframe and live differently each one of the above social scripts.

I think of “retirement” as an expectation of an earthly outcome. I have seen, personally and through counseling, that expectation of earthly outcomes is the root of most human anguish and sadness. When I expect something, if it comes to be, I may be satisfied at most because I had played god and expected it based on some rationale. I perceive expectation is my attempt to “control” earthly affairs, and it’s usually grounded in fear that something I want won’t happen.

If I have made personal sacrifices earlier in life, it can be serious work for me to accept the fact that I alone am personally responsible for my earthly self—forever. Be that as it may, responsibility for self is the “default setting” for each of us. I have learned personally that no one will take care of me (except me ;^). I don’t expect to be taken care of (that expectation is based on some rationale). If responsibility for self is my attitude, it has many beautiful effects: I am empowered because I have absolutely no control over external events or other people, but if I am present with me, I do have much influence over my energy, intention, and action. Self-responsibility also harnesses my Reptilian brain, which is all about survival. The world matters to me in a visceral way because I must serve it in some practical way, so it will pay me consistently. This keeps me plugged in.

If I am working to support myself until I die, I have a different attitude and approach to work. The reality is, I am aging and have a perspective that’s much different from when I was set on developing and profiting from a “career.” I also bring my spirituality to work. I don’t need any career recognition, “benefits,” or position. I only want to give my best and to be paid. I may be able to work part-time, so I can pursue spiritual things I care about.

It is hard for me to describe fully the freedom I feel from not needing “recognition” because I no longer want to “be” somebody. I already am me. I have already had my magnificent time on the central stage during my career. I no longer need that or even desire it. This is a priceless place for me to be. It frees me to create and nurture others. People often love working with me. In USA, we live in a very “me” culture that’s based on ego recognition. People are drawn to people who don’t need that.

The most powerful thing about this is that I am serving the earthly world, through people individually and collectively, in a meaningful way. I become vibrant and important through my service, and more people care about me because I am serving them. I find this to be a beautiful relationship. Since I am an elder, even though most people think I’m in my 40s, people seem drawn to my perspective. I’m not competitive or hungry for scarce recognition, and I do good work. I know I need to serve, and I love the opportunity to serve others, to be paid, and to take care of myself. This whole cycle energizes me. This whole thing also has the effect of countering the last social script, that “old people” are a burden.

Convenience is quicksand. Reject it as much as you can…

The Big Wild Card

Whatever the state of our physicality, we can improve it by stretching ourselves…

Of course, there’s a huge wild card here, our physical and mental capability, which can vary considerably. Even if you get your genome report, you still don’t know how your brain and body will age. Many people (I think 15% of USA residents classify themselves as having a disability) are limited in what they can do and may be limited in caring for themselves.

That said, let’s focus on the glass being half full. Whatever the state of our physicality and mentality, we can improve it by stretching ourselves, and here’s where attitude is paramount. If we accept, at a deep emotional level, that we need to move and think to thrive, moving and thinking are inherently empowering. When we labor under attitudes that are grounded in dashed expectations, we may be resentful and not want to move or think because we feel we should be served.

In Physicality and Aging, I shared a raft of practical ways to increase physical wellbeing. I invite you to really think about the fact that moving and thinking are living. Their corollary is also true: not moving and thinking is dying. No, I’m not suggesting that we can prevent aging through physicality and crossword puzzles. We can increase our physical and mental ability whatever its state is today. For ways to free yourself from health interventions, check out health minimalism.

One huge thing you can do is avoid physical and mental conveniences that rob you of physical and mental action: take the stairs (avoid elevators and escalators), avoid electrical “appliances” that limit your movement. Use a rake, not a leaf blower. Use a broom and mop instead of a vacuum cleaner (you’ll also save a boatload in the vacuum cleaner’s supplies and maintenance). Bike and walk. Prefer unassisted bikes and scooters. Blow off the calculator and google navigators. Send Alexa packing. Use your brain to add, subtract, and navigate. Make your grocery list and forget it at home. Remember, moving and thinking are living. Tech especially tells us that we should not use our brains or bodies, that we should “do it smarter” and faster using tech gadgets. Convenience is quicksand. Reject it as much as you can.

One of the beauties of aging is that one naturally tends to reflect on life and death, so we bring this perspective to all our interactions, including work. And other people hunger for this as long as you are really listening to them and applying your perspective to their situation (not yours). They are universally drawn to this.

So I invite you to be responsible for yourself until your last day. Responsibility is mostly a spiritual act; it’s a commitment one makes to oneself. Even if I am incapacitated somehow, my attitude towards my limitations makes a huge difference. I’ll close with this…

Don’t live like an “old person.” Our society tells us that we’re old and decrepit, so we believe that and act like it. If we avoid meaningful physical and mental exertion, we sink into nothingness. We need not.