An Unusual Tool for Managing Plenty

When the supply of food, entertainment, and experiences is infinite, how do we manage our impulses and our experience of “satisfaction?”

One of the most profound and useful concepts I learned in business school has been very helpful to me in creating joy from experiencing everyday life, and I think it will help you, too, so I am sharing it here. Continue reading “An Unusual Tool for Managing Plenty”

On Physicality and Aging

Goals are about destinations, not journeys.

Today I am reflecting on my motivation for “working out” and being active, and I suspect that these reflections may help you rethink how you relate to your body as they have me, so here we go.

Here’s some context: since entering “middle age” several years ago, I have had many conversations and other interactions having to do with people’s motivations and attitudes toward their bodies, and many of these emerged during ethnographic research engagements in which I studied people online. Most of the stereotypes and ideas I encountered are not useful to me because they miss the whole point of what the body is, what its significance is. So let’s follow this and see where it leads. Continue reading “On Physicality and Aging”

When Is a Relationship Worthwhile?

Recently I have been reflecting on relationships I have had, and I realize that I have developed an unusual way to think about relationship when compared to my friends and clients, so I’ll share it here in case it helps you with your relationships, too.

What Is Relationship?

Have you asked yourself this question recently? Anyone can look up the word for its dictionary meaning, but have you thought about its meaning in terms of your self? Of course, your answer will be different from mine or anyone else’s.

To me, relationship refers to the act of relating, consistently and relatively intensely. And relating refers to one person interacting with three other people: who he perceives the other to be, who the other perceives herself to be, and the other as a more objective “god” would perceive it. The same is true of the other person relating to three of me. Continue reading “When Is a Relationship Worthwhile?”

What Is “Love?”

Tonight I am thinking about relationships I have had, and I will share a few things that I have learned about what most of us call “love.” As I’ve written before, English is poor in words about love; in Greek, there are many distinct words that translate to “love” in English. Tonight, I am thinking about 7th house relationships, “I—Thou” exclusive relationships in which one has an intimate dance with “the other” and learns about oneself in the process.

Even more interestingly perhaps, I’ll share how doing charts has enabled me to discover a new way to think about relationships and love. Continue reading “What Is “Love?””

The Six People in Every Couple

Recently I was talking through many years of a long relationship with a partner, and I experienced one of those “obvious truths” that got more profound the more I thought about it, so I’ll share it here in case it helps you in your close relationships.

Did you know that there are six people in every couple?

When you become acquainted with these six people, you and your partner can transform your relationship. Knowing these six may also help you repair a relationship that’s going south; in any case, it will strengthen any relationship because it will free you both from relationship traps that probably ensnare you now. Continue reading “The Six People in Every Couple”

How Valentine’s Day Ends up Killing Love

The way commercial cultures “celebrate” Valentine’s day ends up killing love, sweetly and surely. The good news is, we can prevent this by learning how the killing works and how we can disrupt it.

We begin by examining love—because love is quite different from what we grow up thinking it is. Read on for your guide to disrupting the 21st century Valentine’s day massacre that occurs every year. Continue reading “How Valentine’s Day Ends up Killing Love”